The Clean Slate Monday Theory

I like to start the week off with as clean a slate as possible. Mondays are tough, but a little preparation and perspective makes it a lot easier to get off to a good start.

For me, the Clean Slate Monday Theory consists of two components:

1. Tying up loose ends
2. Making a plan of attack

Both of these need to be completed in advance to ensure a smooth start to the week. Allow me to explain.

Tie Up Loose Ends

This is a matter of taking care of all the unfinished tasks that have accumulated over the course of the past week. For example, by the time Sunday rolls around, my living quarters are usually in disarray. My desk is cluttered, my bed is a mess, I should probably clean, and there’s a good chance I still haven’t put away my laundry.

Walking into this mess Monday morning is detrimental. We don’t realize it, but these little tasks weigh on us. A small part of your brain has to spend energy reminding you, “Oh, I still need to do this. Oh, I still need to do that…” The longer you have to remember to do something, the more mentally taxing that task becomes, which stresses us out.

I usually dedicate an hour to all these miscellaneous things on Sunday night. Clean the desk. Vacuum. Put the laundry away. Throw some new sheets on the bed. This helps me wake up Monday morning feeling calm because — quite literally — my slate is clean. It’s a much better feeling than waking up in the middle of a disaster area. “Happy Monday! Look at all this crap you still haven’t done.” That’s no good. The last thing I want is to have old stuff nagging at my attention at the start of a new week. Make it a fresh start.

Make a Plan of Attack

Tying up loose ends also enables you to successfully execute step two, which is to make a plan of attack. Starting the week with a clean slate is great, but not having a plan makes it easy to squander all that potential for productivity. Sometimes, figuring out what needs to get done is more difficult than actually accomplishing it.

Thus, make a plan in advance. What do I need to do tomorrow, and when? What’s the week look like as a whole? Write it down. You can get as granular as you like with your to-do list, as long as it makes good use of the clean slate created by tying up the previous week’s loose ends.

A Weekly New Year

Everybody hates Mondays, except for Shawn Blanc:

Mondays are my favorite day of the week for the same reason the morning is my favorite time of the day. The morning is when my mind is most clear — there is not yet the accumulation of “mental clutter” from the activities and worries of the day and the whole day looks like a blank canvas.

Shawn’s definitely got it right. Why is Monday so terrible, but New Year’s is so great? With the former, it’s “Ugh, another whole week of work.” Well, then on New Year’s it should be “Ugh, another whole year of work!”

The difference is that we see the new year as an opportunity for a fresh start, not as “back to the grind”. We should try to treat Monday the same way. Why not? Making an entire year bigger and better than all previous years is a lot of work, but making the next seven days as productive and enjoyable as possible? Much more manageable.

Mondays can be a source of stress if met unprepared. However, a clean slate — literally and mentally — can help start the week on a calm and productive note.

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Thank Your Headache

In Victor Wooten’s 2008 novel, The Music Lesson, the student wakes up one morning with a headache. The teacher, after appearing, mysteriously tells him that he should thank his headache, rather than fight it. The student does, and the pain subsides.

It’s a wonderful book with bountiful wisdom, but that chapter has always stuck with me. The idea is that, rather than tense up when we feel pain, we should be mindful of what our bodies are trying to tell us. We should be grateful for the pain because it’s usually a warning about something that could turn into a more serious problem if ignored. Hence, thank you, headache.

I was reminded of that story as I drove home tonight with a dull pain behind my eyes. Rather than resist the headache, I acknowledged it and thanked my body for telling me something was wrong. In my case, I could tell I had stayed up too late and needed some sleep. I also noticed my shoulders were hunched and my jaw was clenched, so I breathed and let go of the tension that had creeped its way up my neck. When I did that, the pain didn’t go away completely, but it did subside quite a bit. The pain was my body’s way of getting my attention, and when I noticed and acknowledged what was wrong, it was as if my headache said, “OK, good. Just letting you know” and calmed down. Thank you, headache.

I know it sounds cheesy, but it works. The next time you have a headache, try thanking it instead of getting frustrated or annoyed by it. Listen to what it’s telling you. It might be saying, “Hey, you haven’t had any water today”, or “You should probably take a break from staring at this computer screen”, or “Don’t worry so much about this presentation”.

I like to think our bodies don’t just cause us pain for no reason. It’s more likely that they’re trying to tell us something. Of course, if you’re bleeding profusely, by all means get to a hospital. Otherwise, try taking a moment to listen and see if you can’t hear what the headache is saying.

Your mind and body work best when they’re on the same team.

Now, I’m off to bed. Have a great weekend!

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"Blue in the broad light of day"

Yesterday, I called The Long Winters the band you need to know. Today, I’ll discuss the album I’d recommend starting with. Although I love all of The Long Winters’ records, this was the first one I heard. If you hate The Long Winters, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow. Also, shame on you.

The Long Winters’ 2006 effort, Putting the Days to Bed, sat quietly on my iPod for almost four years before it became one of my most treasured albums. It encompasses everything that makes the band — and music in general — such a joy to listen to: catchy melodies, honest lyrics, and ultimately, a sense that no matter what you’re going through, everything is going to be OK.  

With eleven tracks totaling just 38 minutes, Putting the Days to Bed is a concise, yet highly memorable, indie rock record. The longest song is barely over four minutes, but rest assured, the album’s brevity belies the depth found within every song. A paragon of its genre, Putting the Days to Bed makes a brilliant addition to any music collection.

John Roderick’s lyrical prowess sits atop a long list of reasons why I love The Long Winters. As I took notes for this article during what must have been my hundredth listen, I found myself wanting to write down almost every line. It’s not just the words themselves that are great, but also the way they are delivered. Putting the Days to Bed is full of wonderful lines begging to be sung at full volume.  

Like me, I’m willing to bet you won’t be able to decide on a favorite. It might be the horn-backed triumph of “Teaspoon” (I know I wasn’t made to play on a team), or the guarded cries of “Hindsight” (I’m bailing water and bailing water because I like the shape of the boat).

Other days, you might prefer the cynicism of “Rich Wife” (Now tell me, is your high horse getting a little hard to ride?), or the quiet longing of “Seven” (Distance helps me only so much…).

Personally, I always come back to the upbeat vulnerability of “Ultimatum” (I hope I can keep seeing you just as long as you don’t say you’re falling in love). I could pour over each song line by line, but that’s a journey best taken on your own. We’ll compare notes when you’re ready.  

You could argue that Putting the Days to Bed is an exercise in heartbreak, and in a way, you’d be correct. None of the romances here seem destined to succeed. In fact, many are already a thing of the past. But, if all you had was the music, the singer’s plight would probably go unnoticed. Despite its lyrics, this album is soaring, infectious, and will have you rocking out within seconds of pushing PLAY. That’s what makes Putting the Days to Bed such a wonderful paradox. These are celebratory songs about broken hearts, and the result is a cathartic journey designed to lead us out of dark places. 

I often find myself thinking no matter how tough life gets, it’s hard to feel down as long as music exists. Putting the Days to Bed may feature the anguished lover, but the music reminds us not to forget just how incredible life is, heartbreak and all. There may be pain in the moment, but this is an album that encourages us to sing and dance our way through both the best and worst of times. It tells us to look at the big picture and find the comfort and beauty that resides there. What seems to be an exercise in heartbreak, then, is really a lesson in perspective. That’s what makes Putting the Days to Bed required listening. It shows us that, as painful as love can be, it’s a beautiful thing all the same.  

You can buy Putting the Days to Bed on iTunes.

On Being Almost Done

I had a meeting with my advisor (Hi, Dr. McBrine.) to discuss my thesis, which you may or may not know is on Middle English lyric poetry. At the time, I had sent him about 35 pages of solid criticism — the bulk of a fifty-page master’s thesis. The consensus was that the work I had done so far was very good. After months of reading, researching, and writing, such positive feedback was music to my ears. The hard part, my advisor declared, was over. All that was left to do was write my introduction and conclusion and tie it all together. I was almost done.

That was a month ago.

One month later, I’m still almost done, but I’m not any closer to actually being done than I was before the holidays.

I am paralyzed on the brink of achievement.

In some ways, it doesn’t make any sense. Just finish the damn thing! But, unfortunately, procrastination is persistent. There are a couple of reasons why I’ve failed to make any progress as of late. The first is that those initial 35 pages were hard work, and I clearly interpreted advisor’s generous feedback as, “Great job. You deserve a break.” Wrong, of course, but I’m only human.

The second and bigger reason is the concept of “almost done” itself.

Being almost done is exciting, but it also makes it much easier to come up with excuses for not finishing. “I’m almost done!” becomes “Eh, it’s almost done… I can finish it anytime.” Any time that’s not now, of course.

The brink of achievement is a precarious place. On one hand, most of the stress is gone. The hard part’s over. What once was an intimidating behemoth is now just a handful of leftover pages that need to be written. But on the other hand, less stress also means less motivation. In my case, having an entire thesis hanging over my head was excruciating. It drove me to power through in hopes of removing that pressure. Being almost done, however, means that my thesis is no longer a big deal. I’m not worried about it. Because it’s almost done.

Almost.

That “almost” is a killer. It’s a splinter in the back of my mind. A much smaller splinter than it once was, but a splinter all the same. My thesis is still there, waiting to be finished off. And so it shall.

The only way out is through.

Obviously, I have no intention of going through life with an almost done thesis on Middle English lyric poetry in my back pocket. The time has come to finish the job.

How?

Discipline and perspective.

I’m writing this Wednesday night, so my Thursday is reserved free and clear. Time to dig in. Fifty minutes on, ten minutes off. Repeat until lunchtime. Then hit it again until yoga. I recommend the BreakTime app.

What’s even more important is to think of the thesis — or any horrifying task — not as a To-Do, but as what Merlin Mann calls a To-Have-Done. That is, think not about how much it’s going to hurt to do the thing, but rather about how good it’s going to feel when it’s done. That shift in thinking makes it much easier to get started. Or get finished, as it were.

I’m not looking forward to working on my thesis for six or eight hours, but I am looking forward to being six or eight hours closer to done at the end of the day.

It’s time to own this thing. Soon it’ll be just a memory, and I can’t think of anything sweeter.

Back On the Primal Path

If you follow me on Twitter, you might be aware that I managed to eat pretty much everything in sight over the holidays. On the one hand, ‘twas the season to indulge, but on the other hand, the increased intake of my culinary vices made me feel lethargic, guilty, and more than a little gross.

I’m pleased — and my body is relieved — to report that I’ve been back on track and eating Primally for five days in a row now.

It feels fantastic.

Still, I’m not here to admonish the act of holiday feasting. On the contrary, my relatively brief foray into the realm of Christmas treats has taught me a few things about keeping a diet in perspective.

First, pigging out for over a week reminded me how much I love my normal Primal Blueprint eating regimen. Don’t get me wrong, holiday food is delicious, but so is eating Primal, and it doesn’t come with the associated bloating and guilt trips. The good news is that stepping off the path for a little while didn’t become a permanent change. In fact, I couldn’t wait to get back to my old healthy habits. That’s how a vacation should feel, and it speaks to the effectiveness of the Primal Blueprint as a sustainable lifestyle.

Second, while I did eat a lot, exercise little, and lose sight of my abdominal muscles over the holidays, the overall results of my week-long binge were… not that bad. Sure, I was a bit squishier than I was before, and my mood was a little low, but it’s not like I suddenly had fifty pounds to lose or had developed some chronic illness. I’m not saying this to condone unhealthy eating or tell you to take a week off whenever you want. Rather, it helps put the average cheat meal in perspective. I survived an entire week of holiday gluttony with pretty minor side effects. That means I should treat a single cheat meal as no big deal, rather than feel guilty about indulging with friends.

The key here, though, is not rationalizing or condoning the unhealthy meal and allowing it to become what’s normal. I would still rather eat Primal, and I will as much as I can. But, if I happen to be in a situation where it’s difficult to do so (if I’m a guest in someone’s home, for instance), I’m not going to sweat it. If I can survive an entire week of holiday eating, one cheat meal for the sake of manners won’t hurt. In the grand scheme of things, it’ll be a tiny misstep. Remember, that doesn’t mean an unhealthy meal every day won’t hurt! It’s just a way of altering your perspective so you feel less bummed out about deviating from your healthy habits. Step off, then step right back on.

Again, my holiday binge reminded me how much I love the Primal Blueprint. My sister is a recent convert, and she agrees that even after just two days back on the path, she feels so much better. I’m not trying to pimp the Primal lifestyle, as I have nothing to gain from doing so. (The gain would be all yours, actually.) These lessons can be applied to whatever diet you’re invested in. Still, if you’re interested in going Primal for the new year, Mark Sisson just put out a new updated and expanded paperback version of The Primal Blueprint. It’s inexpensive and a great way to get started.

One final note about my transition back on the path: I’ve started logging my workouts and meals using the Day One app, which allows you to journal from your iPhone, iPad, or Mac. They all stay in sync via Dropbox, and the app itself is well-designed. Keeping a record of what I do to be healthy each day helps me stay mindful as the new year progresses and the “resolution enthusiasm” wears off. I’m trying to see how many days in a row I can go without a cheat day. Of course, you don’t need an app to make this a habit. Pen and paper works too.

This Year, 2012

So here we are, mere hours into 2012! Feels good, doesn’t it? We’ve overeaten, come up with some last minute resolutions, and expressed pity for Dick Clark. Bring on the new year.

Like the rest of the internet, I feel compelled to write some sort of obligatory New Year’s post, even though today is virtually the same as yesterday, save for a quick turn of the calendar. Still, there’s something comforting about our annual tabula rasa, and while we shouldn’t rely on a specific date to decide it’s time to improve ourselves, it does help to have a little Gregorian push.

I’m excited for the new year. I know for a fact it’s going to be a big one, apocalypse not withstanding. This year, I’m going to get a new iPhone. This year, I’m going to finish my thesis and officially earn my master’s degree. This year, I’m going to turn 25. Quarter-life, indeed.

Yet despite the few things I do know about 2012, there is so much more I don’t and can’t possibly know. I might find a new job. I might find a new place to live. I might meet a new girl. I might meet the girl. The Dave Matthews Band might break up. People I know might get married. Someone I love might die. I might die.

And since we have no idea about any of that, I think it’s best we work to make this year a great one. On the eve of 2012, I am reminding myself that this year, I will have control over nothing. I will be given things, and I will have things taken from me. The universe will continue to expand, and I’ll continue to be an infinitesimal speck along for the ride. I am reminding myself that the only thing I do have control over is my mind, and all I can do is prepare it to accept all the wonderful and terrible things 2012 has in store.

The comforting thing is that in 365 days, I will know myself better than I do now. So will you. Each day will teach us something new, and each day we’ll grow a little more and get a little better. Each day will bring us a little closer to who we truly are. It’s going to be great, and I’m excited.

I wish you an exceptional 2012, and thank you for reading. It means the world to me.

— Andrew

Beating the Sunday Night Blues

There’s this thing called the Sunday Night Blues, which is loosely defined as “a bad mood caused by Monday’s imminence”. The weekend magic is over, and a new workweek is only a few hours’ sleep away. Back to reality. Back to the grind. Case of the Mondays. Clichés abound.

It’s a total drag, but lately my Sunday Night Blues has been replaced with a profound sense of inner peace. A feeling of contentment, and maybe even excitement. This hasn’t exactly been a conscious decision, so I took the long way home to try and figure out what causes my Sunday night mood to vary so drastically.

On this particular Sunday, the answer was confidence.

A lack of confidence often causes Imperfect peace. When we don’t feel confident about something, we fear it. Public speaking. Math tests. Competition. When we do feel confident, much of that fear subsides.

Confidence begets inner peace.

It seems to me that there are three areas in which we must feel confident if we are to avoid the Sunday Night Blues:

1. Confidence about the past, which means not having regrets or second-guessing the decisions that have led to this moment.
2. Confidence about the future, which is tricky because the future is largely unknown. Even if we have plans for the future, life can alter them without warning, and that could result in tremendous disappointment. The confidence here comes less from correctly predicting the future and more from being in a state of mind capable of handing whatever the future holds.
3. Confidence about yourself, here in the present moment. To me, self-confidence refers to a complete love of who you are. Not just a celebration of your strengths, but also an acknowledgement of your flaws and an optimism about their improvement. Pride for the current version of yourself, but also excitement for the iterations of tomorrow and beyond.

The crux of all this, of course, is that the only difference between having or avoiding the Sunday Night Blues is our perspective. The past, future, and present are the same either way. They cannot be altered. What can be altered is the mind: how you think of and perceive your past, future, and present self.

Invariably, this peace is fleeting. I often go to bed feeling content only to wake up miserable at the sound of my alarm clock. But the pursuit of inner peace is a constant, never ending process. The slightest interruption threatens to take it away from us, and so we must work to maintain it.

Tomorrow, I’m going to talk about what inner peace is, why it’s so hard to attain, and how we can experience it more often.

"We are star stuff."

Video: An out-of-character Stephen Colbert interviews astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Here’s Tyson around the 24 minute mark:

Atoms and molecules in your body are traceable to the crucibles in the centers of stars that manufactured these elements over its lifespan, went unstable on death, exploding its enriched guts across the galaxy, scattering it into gas clouds that would ultimately collapse and make a star and have the right ingredients to make planets and people. Which means we are a part of this universe… not only are we in the universe, the universe is in us.

[…]

We knew that we are star stuff. We knew that we are star dust at the middle of the 20th century. That connects us to the universe like no other fact. That’s beautiful.

Via Kottke

Perfectionism as Practice

Cal Newport discusses the difference between controlled and pathological perfectionism:

The important part of my process — the part that separates this obsessiveness with the pathological variety — is that when my interval is done, I stop. Inevitably, I’m still well short of an ideal output, but what matters to me is not this specific outcome, but instead the striving for perfection and the deliberate practice this generates.

In other words, I want to keep getting better, not necessarily make this particular project the best thing ever.

Really, really good stuff.

Brain Dump: November

I don’t love November.

Traditionally, it’s a busy month for me, one laden with stress and anxiety. 2011’s version is proving to be no different.

This year’s November started off with a freak Halloween snowstorm, which left us without power for five days and nineteen hours. Let me tell you, no suburban plight brings you closer to moral collapse than sitting in the dark for six days with nothing but your thoughts, particularly when those thoughts center on the fact that you broke up with your girlfriend a week before your one-year anniversary. That sucks no matter who you are.

November also happens to be NaNoWriMo, short for National Novel Writing Month, in which participants attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I’ve completed NaNoWriMo twice, but this year I find myself languishing with little time, energy, or motivation to produce anything other than emotional brain vomit: a nonsensical stream-of-consciousness rant largely concerning the aforementioned romance issue. At this point, I’m many thousands of words behind schedule, and there’s a good chance it’s not going to get done, which disappoints me. I’m not one to half-ass something.

I also haven’t felt like much of a writer lately regarding this website, which has resulted in increased link posting and far fewer long-form articles than I’d like. This is my fourth month writing QLE, so I guess a little slump is inevitable once the initial novelty wears off, but it still disappoints me that the site isn’t operating at a level I’m happy with.

November is also the month of our annual tournament in Old Sturbridge, Massachusetts, which attracts over 500 competitors every year. I’ve never loved competing. It stresses out my shy and introverted side, and my heart rate increases just thinking about it. I’m much more used to competing now than when I was younger, and I have to do it to set a good example for the students, but it remains a source of dread nevertheless.

And of course, underlying these issues are the usual drags: student loans are looming, the days are growing shorter and colder, and my thesis has taken a back seat to the above grievances.

However.

Times like these are when our perspective becomes most important. We may not be able to control the things that happen to us, or the obligations we have to go through, but we can control how our mind deals with them. Making it through to the other side comes down to two things: focusing on the positive, and reframing the negative so it doesn’t seem so bad.

For every stressor, annoyance, and bummer November throws at me, there are many, if not more, things to be thankful for and happy about. It is the month of Thanksgiving, after all.

For example, I love my Kindle. Thanks to this little $79 guy (and said power outage), I was able to rip through all 656 pages of the Steve Jobs biography in about two weeks. Finishing a big book like that was tremendously satisfying and gave me a feeling of accomplishment I haven’t had in a long time. I’ve now moved on to Stephen King’s memoir, On Writing, and I’m really enjoying it. The Kindle makes me want to find time to read. I do, and that feels fantastic.

I also love my yoga class. My dad had been going to our local yoga center for a while, so to get my mind off things, I decided to stop in and try it out. I had taken a men’s yoga class while working on my master’s degree and loved it, but it only lasted eight weeks. I tried doing P90X’s yoga video once a week at home, but at ninety minutes, Tony Horton quickly fell out of favor with me. Taking a class is so much more satisfying and rewarding. Yoga people tend to be very warm, calm, and inviting, so meeting them is a pleasure. You get to sweat like hell and forget about everything else bouncing around in your head for a while. Plus, the strength and flexibility training has been an invaluable asset to my martial arts ability. I’m going three times a week now, and I absolutely love it. Having something to look forward to on your schedule is always great for lifting your spirits.

As a nerd, I’m psyched that Apple finally released iTunes Match, which enables you to upload your entire music collection iCloud and access it on all of your devices. It took more than 24 hours for iTunes to match and/or upload my 13,000 song library, but now all of my music is only a tap away wherever I go. I don’t have to haul my dinosauric iPod Classic around anymore or deal with picking only 32GB worth of music for my iPhone. That makes my life easier and simpler, so of course I’m all about it.

My friend Rich has also been teaching me how to play chess. I’m terrible, but I still find the game very enjoyable, and it’s a good brain workout. A new hobby is a great distraction from what ails you.

Despite all these new sources of joy, the negative things can still find a way to overwhelm and get you down. The only way to overcome these pains in the ass is to reframe the way your mind thinks about them. I could stress out about not finishing my NaNoWriMo novel this month, or I could simply tell myself that it’s just for fun anyway. Whether I write 50,000 words or 5,000, that’s still more than I would have written otherwise. Something that’s supposed to be a fun creative endeavor shouldn’t stress me out.

As much as I can already feel the nervousness and anxiety of this weekend’s tournament, I can just as easily envision the feeling of relief when it’s all over. It’s just one day. One day of nerves and excitement, and it will inevitably come to an end. Those feelings aren’t going to last forever. When I wake up Saturday morning, every minute that goes by brings me closer to the end of the day, when I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and relax, win or lose. It’s going to be a big day, but when it’s over I can enjoy a long drive home listening to my favorite music, and then it’s smooth sailing to the holidays.

As for the breakup, I can’t have any regrets about my performance or the person I was for the past year. When you look at the big picture, it was really, really great. My expectations were a little mismanaged, but what can you do other than remember that for next time? If something doesn’t work out, something else will.

Sometimes there’s so much going on in our heads that it can be impossible to think straight, and that’s when we get overwhelmed. As I’ve said here before, there’s only a finite amount of space between our ears; keeping everything locked up and bouncing around in there is a recipe for a mental breakdown. That’s where the brain dump comes in: writing down every single thing on your mind in one huge list. Every phone call you have to make, assignment you have to do, errand you have to run, person you have to talk to, thought you need to capture, anything and everything. Once it’s down on paper, you can stop worrying about it. You don’t have to think about it, and you won’t forget it because it’s written down. It’s out of your head. Emptying your brain frees and calms your mind, which makes it much easier to breathe.

I still don’t love November, but emptying my mind out here helps me put things in perspective. The good things will last forever; the bad feelings are temporary. November is just a bump in a very long road, and it’s only a matter of time before December 1.

Seth Godin on Worrying

Seth Godin on worrying:

Worrying is not a useful output. Worrying doesn’t change outcomes. Worrying ruins your day. Worrying distracts you from the work at hand. You may have fooled yourself into thinking that it’s useful or unavoidable, but it’s not. Now you’ve got one more thing to worry about.

Crucial. Focus on what you can control.

Required Reading: Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.

Required Reading is a series of articles, videos, podcasts, etc. that I consider to be unmissable. These are the things that have inspired me the most, and they’re the things I keep coming back to for repeated readings, viewings, and listens.

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Commencement Address at Stanford University:

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

The full text is here, and the video is here.

We’ll miss you, Steve.

James Shelley: Success

James Shelley on Success:

Herein lies the culmination of our review: “success” is an illusion. Granted, the human experience is full of tantalizing tokens, symbols and rituals to represent this apparently highly-sought status. But every diploma, certification, award, medal, pay-grade promotion and recognition is simply another construct of this brilliantly (and humanly) crafted mythology.

The whole thing is superb.

Three Entities

I’ve never been one to say, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day!”, but lately, it’s all I can think about.

Yesterday, I posted links to three great articles around the web. That’s it: just the three links. Barely a word of commentary. I felt conflicted about that because, while I enjoy linking and responding to posts from other writers, I want to maintain a balance between link posts and original articles. That’s not to discredit the three articles I linked to; they were all tremendous, which is why I recommended you read them. But since this site is so young, I’m concerned with establishing it as a serious, professional creative endeavor. I don’t just want to post links and call it a day. That makes me feel guilty, and even though this site is a labor of love and shouldn’t contribute additional worries to my life, it’s the fact that I care about it so much that makes only posting three links weigh on my conscience. When I can’t put 100% of myself into this website and make it as good as I want it to be, I get bummed out.

I’m in a tough position right now because three entities are competing for my time and attention. One of them is this website. Another is karate. I have three hours of workout + meeting twice a week and classes to teach in the evenings. I love and need the workouts, but on days like today, when I get home at 1pm and only have two hours to shower, eat, post something to the site, and make it to work on time, it can be frustrating. Especially when I read a handful of great, exciting articles like I did yesterday, and I wish I had time to sit and write some of my own. But the reality is, this site is not my full-time job, so sometimes, a link will have to do.

Chris Guillebeau posted an article called How to Write 300,000 Words In 1 Year yesterday, and this part really stuck with me:

Someone once said, “I hate writing, but I love having written.” I tend to think you have to love at least some of the writing part too, but I get the idea. In my case, I write because it makes me feel good, and because I feel like it’s what I’m supposed to do.

If you want to write consistently and thoroughly, you must learn to make writing your job, regardless of whether it has anything to do with your income. It must be what you think of at different times throughout the day, even when you’re doing other things.

Those sentences resonate with me because they’re exactly what I’ve been feeling every time I’ve had to tear myself away from the computer to go to work. I think about the site on the way to work, in between classes, and on my way home. It’s incredibly exciting to feel that way about a creative project, but it’s also frustrating because I’m not yet at a point where I can act on them to the degree I’d like. Plus, since the site has nothing to do with my income, the responsible thing to do, unfortunately, is make it the first thing to go on the back burner.

The third entity demanding my time and attention is my thesis on Middle English lyric poetry, which is the last thing separating me from my master’s degree. It’s also the last thing tying me to academia. Now, I love being an academic, and it’s been a huge part of my identity for the past 24 years, but I’m ready to take a break and pursue writing in a different medium, namely this website.

Having a massive paper on Middle English lyric poetry due is a drag, but alas, the system demands it, and so it must be done. Since starting my thesis earlier this year, I have approximately 14,000 words of stuff written on a handful of poems, but those thousands of words lack any unifying structure or argument. That, too, is a drag. Having a thesis hanging over your head makes it very difficult to write for your silly website and not feel at least a slight twinge of guilt.

Fortunately, I have one hell of a thesis advisor. As he says, “Don’t get it right; get it done.”, which seems paradoxical coming from an English professor, but the notion that a thesis has to be some terrifying behemoth is mostly unnecessary. If I think about how I need at least fifty pages of groundbreaking analysis on 500-year-old poetry, I’ll become paralyzed with fear. Where would I even start? Rather, all I really need is five pages of introduction, five pages of conclusion, and five pages each about eight different lyrics. I’ve been writing five page papers for most of my life. That’s the bulk of the dirty work. A unifying thread will present itself naturally. When you put it in perspective, a thesis is suddenly not so intimidating. I don’t need to agonize and slave over it for months and months. It’s just a big paper. That’s not to undermine the endeavor, but rather to turn an abstract horror into a manageable assignment.

I can do it, and it will get done, but fifty pages is fifty pages, and with deadlines looming, it’s another thing distracting me from what I’d really love to be doing, which is writing this website. I know: life is tough, get a helmet, and all that, but I don’t believe life needs to be filled with things we don’t want to do. Some things, sure, but not most things. There’s only a finite amount of space in your head, and the more things that reside there, the less attention each receives. But, the only way out is through, as they say.

It’s fascinating how issues I’m wrestling with in my head also tend to bubble up in discussion on the internet, seemingly by coincidence. As I was taking a break from writing this article, I was finishing the latest episode of The B&B Podcast. Shawn Blanc just happened to bring up the topic of self-imposed urgency in maintaining his website, which he writes full-time.

It’s a self-imposed urgency. It’s self-imposed responsibility. You know, because I’ve been thinking about this a lot for the past six months now that I write my site full-time. And… you know what? I’m going to show up to work every day, I’m going to work hard, I’m going to do my best, I’m going to try to write as well as I can, and as regularly as I can. And sometimes that only equates to two or three links a day. And you know what? So what? That is me working. Because there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes behind that.

The thing is, Shawn and his wife are expecting, and here I am bumming out about balancing work, school, and writing. But he’s totally right. The only person pressuring me to post every day is me. Would I love to write 1,000 words a day for this site? Of course. But sometimes other things will need to take precedence, and the site will still be here tomorrow.

So, today I’ve woken up early to write five pages on Fowles In the Frith, and during that time I won’t be able to give this website any attention. But the sooner I get those five pages done, the sooner I’ll be able to post something here guilt-free. The sooner my thesis is done, the sooner I’ll be able to pour myself even further into QLE. I’m not excusing what will probably be a dearth of long-form content over the next few months, but I am asking you to bear with me. Before long, I’ll have found some more hours in the day.

The Evil of Numbers

They’re everywhere: on the cover of every magazine, on the sign for every gas station, on the face of every clock.

As a student of English, I always had an inherent disdain for any subject dealing with numbers: math, chemistry, physics, etc. Hence, my C in 9th grade geometry. It was a dark time.

As I progressed through my collegiate career, I was privileged to deal with numbers less frequently and to be surrounded by people who shared my sentiments. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that numbers are one of the principal roots of all evil.

That seems like a pretty bold claim, of course, but I’m not talking about scary, fire and brimstone, universal type of evil. Rather, numbers are one of the biggest offenders when it comes to things that disturb our inner peace.

If you think about it, most common sources of stress are directly or indirectly associated with numbers:

• We stress about grades.
• We stress about our age.
• We stress about our weight.
• We stress about money.
• We stress about not having enough time.

All of these examples focus on numbers. Why? What’s a number anyway, and how can we break free from them?

According to a general definition, a number is “a mathematical object used in counting and measuring”. Obviously, anything with the word “mathematical” in it raises a red flag, but beyond that, counting and measuring are activities solely attributed to humans on this planet. That is, numbers were created by, and only exist because of, the human race. They are entirely manmade. Numbers are a system put in place to help us control our lives and assert our importance in the universe.

You need good grades so you can make a lot of money. You need a lot of money so you can buy a big house and fill it with stuff. You need to maintain a certain weight so society will find you attractive. You need to rush to school and work so you’ll be on time. You need to act your age.

All of these needs are constructs that we as a species have decided to enforce upon ourselves. As a result, we have become slaves to numbers.

So, what to do? Obviously, numbers aren’t going anywhere, and trying to live without them would be absurd. Good grades, a healthy weight, and income to live on are important. We do need numbers, for better or worse.

However, we do not need to allow numbers to control us. We can’t get rid of them, but we can change the way we think about them. They’re just numbers.

A grade is just a number. It does not define who you are as a person. Doing your best is what defines you.

Eating well is important, but it’s not healthy to stress over every tiny fluctuation on the bathroom scale.

We should act our age most of the time, but we can’t forget how to play.

Stop. Rushing. Wherever you’re going will still be there when you arrive.

It’s just money. That statement is going to offend some of you, but even if you don’t have a single cent to your name, you’re still going to be able to wake up in the morning and breathe fresh air. You’re not going to die. There’s comfort in that way of thinking.

Speaking of having no money, I’d like to give some credit to the number zero. Yes, literally having $0.00 in the bank would be stressful, as some of us know, but imagine if there was no money at all — in the world. How much more relaxed would life be if money didn’t exist? How much more relaxed would you be if you didn’t have a clock strapped to your wrist telling you where you were supposed to be all the time? Wouldn’t it be nice to identify yourself by how old you feel?

Zero can be considered the absence of numbers. Zero is simplicity. Zero is inner peace. When your inbox is empty, you feel calm. When your desk is free of clutter, you feel relaxed. When your head is emptied of all worries, life is good.

Since numbers are here to stay, try seeing them for what they are: just a little made-up invention to help us control our world. We can’t get rid of numbers, but we can change how we think about them, and subsequently, be a little less stressed.

Control the numbers; don’t let them control you. They’re just numbers.

Step Off, Step On

Yesterday, my family made pizza on the grill for Labor Day. I wasn’t thrilled.

When I was younger, I had a long period when I actually didn’t like pizza. I know: what self-respecting kid doesn’t like pizza? I wasn’t an overly health-conscious adolescent or anything, but something about it didn’t sit right with me. Maybe it was the scalding hot tomato sauce, which to this day never fails to burn my mouth, or the abrasive crust, or the guaranteed messy fingers afterward.

Whatever the reason, I did eventually overcome my fears and learn to enjoy pizza. I still do, but yesterday’s feast was a struggle for me, and it led to me thinking about the issue of exceptions and how to make them effectively.

First, a little background…

A couple of years ago, I broke up with my then-girlfriend and found myself with considerably more free time on my hands. Up to that point, I had been adverse to any kind of healthy diet. I just didn’t feel inclined to suffer through eating grass and tree bark. I wasn’t even overweight, although I probably could have been considered skinny-fat.

But in that post-breakup moment, wherein I needed something new to focus on, I decided that the past 22 years of eating garbage had run their course, and it was time to get down to business. So, I started trying to eat healthier and exercise on a more frequent basis. I scoured the internet and found a solution that made sense to me and seemed like a sustainable lifestyle.

It took me close to two years to fully assimilate to my new and improved way of life. During that transition period, being consistently healthy was a struggle. You never really realize how unhealthy society is until you try to break free from it. Junk food is everywhere. Friends want to go out to dinner. People bring trays of cupcakes into the office for literally no reason. And sometimes, your mind just convinces yourself that one little bite is okay, even when it turns into twenty.

I stuck with it though, and now I’m at a point where I actually enjoy eating healthy more than eating junk food. It’s still tough sometimes, but on most days, I have no trouble avoiding cookies or turning down cupcakes. Even though they’re everywhere.

Now, back to my mention of exceptions.

Some members of my family, who don’t adhere to my personal health philosophy, have a hard time understanding the parts that seem controversial by conventional wisdom’s standards. I understand this difficulty because I would have felt the same way two years ago.

So, I was informed in advance that we were having pizza for Labor Day, and there was, essentially, nothing I could do about it. At first, I said I would eat beforehand and then come over, but I was told we were having guests, and that would be rude. My mom asked, “Can’t you just make an exception this one time?”

Of course I could. Did I want to? Absolutely not.

I know how I feel after an off-day of eating. It bums me out. It feels like all progress up to that point has been shot to hell. It feels unfair that I should have to sacrifice for others’ unhealthy habits. Did I have missteps once in a while? Obviously, but I would rather save those for instances when I had absolutely no control over the situation. If there was a way to avoid a misstep, why would I voluntarily choose not to take it?

Well, to make an increasing long story short, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. I understand manners, and sometimes there’s no point in creating an unnecessary argument. Sometimes, you just have to eat pizza.

So, I ate the pizza, but I also managed to enjoy it by altering my perspective so that it wouldn’t bum me out too badly. Here’s how:

First, one cheat meal is better than an entire cheat day. People like to have a Pop-Tart for breakfast and say, “Welp, the day’s shot. Might as well start over tomorrow.” That attitude is detrimental and does more harm to your goal than need be. In the grand scheme of things, one cheat meal is only a blip on the radar, and it won’t undo months of progress. Several cheat days, however, will take much longer to recover from.

Second, I still had a great deal of control even though I was giving in to the pizza gods. I ate healthy all day so I wouldn’t be starving at pizza time, which would have caused me to overeat. I tried each kind of pizza, but I didn’t scarf down enough slices to make me uncomfortably full afterward. You don’t always have to kill yourself on an off day.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, after dinner, I went right back to my old habits. The path is always there, waiting for you to step back on. I didn’t think, “Oh, the day is ruined!” and stay up all night eating cookies and ice cream. One misstep doesn’t have to lead off a cliff. I stepped off the path, then course-corrected and stepped back on. Nothing worth agonizing over.

This is the mindset that has been most effective for helping me deal with those inevitable exceptions to my rules. I think it works for me because I’ve been trying to adhere to this lifestyle for so long that exceptions themselves have become unwanted. People who are just starting out, who haven’t fully transitioned and possibly don’t even enjoy what they’re trying to achieve, often want to cheat. They want and look for excuses to make exceptions.

The strategies above are not excuses for stepping off the path; they are mental adjustments for coping with stepping off the path when you wish you didn’t have to. The smaller the step off, the smaller the step to get back on.

This Week

(Or, Three Ways to Survive Bad Times; a.k.a. The Big Perspective Post #1)

This week promises to be what can only be described as “a bitch.”

Allow me to explain.

As I’m writing this, it’s Sunday night. This week I will be teaching at our annual Karate Camp, which runs from 9am to 3pm, Monday through Friday. Our regular classes will continue unabated from approximately 4pm to 9pm. On Friday evening, virtually the entire school will be graduating via three different ceremonies, and on Saturday, after I teach the regular classes from 9am - 1pm, I have to do a birthday party for what is sure to be a manic group of youngsters. This week ends at 3pm Saturday, a horrific 126 hours after it begins, and about 70 of which I will be hard at work teaching little kids how to defend themselves using only their shoelaces. Personal fitness, healthy dietary choices, and solitude are sure to take a backseat for the next six days. Not to mention it’s going to be difficult to find time to write and maintain this website, which threatens my 30 day writing commitment.

In addition, summer was slapped across the face today by a 68 degree and relentlessly rainy day, with the rest of the week looking to offer more of the same. All the while, my exquisite girlfriend will be sequestered in a draconian training program for her upcoming job, the likes of which does not allow for much verbal or textual communication.

All in all, the week of August 15, 2011 appears to be a prescription for angst, exhaustion, and general burnout.

Fortunately, this post is not intended to be a colossal woe-as-me rant. Nobody likes a complainer. Rather, I thought I would take this opportunity to document exactly how I intend to survive this hellish week and emerge in six days with my sanity mostly intact.

To put it simply, as I often try to do, the answer lies in Perspective.

For the past few years, I’ve been intrigued by the concept of Perspective and how it can be practically applied to help us lead healthier, calmer, and overall happier lives. This week provides an excellent chance to explain some of the strategies I use to ensure life doesn’t beat me when the going gets tough.

Perspective is a very complex topic, and there are many ways to implement it. I’m only going to talk about three in this post. More will follow in future posts.

The first thing to remember when dealing with any sort of challenging situation is also perhaps the most important:

1. You aren’t going to die.

Obviously, heartbreaking situations do exist, and they do happen, but those extraordinary circumstances aren’t the challenges we’re talking about here. We’re talking about beating the average bad day. Or week, as the case may be.

Always ask yourself, when presented with a scary or otherwise stressful situation, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Chances are it’s not that bad, and chances are even greater that the worst thing probably isn’t going to be what actually goes down. Realistically, the worst thing that could happen to me this week is I get exhausted, run down, and frustrated. Maybe I even get sick from working too long and too hard. But even then, what’s the worst thing that could happen? I’m bedridden for a few days, I suppose. That probably won’t happen, but even if it does, it’s not going to kill me. I’m not going to die.

Bob Parsons, CEO & Founder of GoDaddy.com, says in one of his rules to live by:

With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be. Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of “undefined consequences.” My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, “Well, Robert, if it doesn’t work, they can’t eat you.”

This is huge. For many people, the worst case scenario in life is death, or, in Bob Parsons’ case, to be literally devoured by humans. I agree completely; that’d be terrible. But, it’s not going to happen. No matter how badly you screw up a presentation, disappoint a loved one, or fail to meet a goal, no one’s going to eat you for it. That’s a very comforting thought. Say you embarrass yourself in front of a packed room of people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? They all laugh at you? You end up on YouTube? I suppose, but those outcomes have slim odds. You’re not going to die, and you will live to see another day. This is incredibly empowering if you can keep it in mind and not let fear consume you.

“Alright, fine,” you say. “I know I’m not going to die, but this is still going to be awful!”

Yes, you’re right. But that just means you need to ingrain this second mindset:

2. Time never stops.

I’m staring down a 70-hour workweek right now, and nothing in the world is going to change that. No matter how badly I wish it wasn’t so, nothing’s going to change the fact that I have a long six days ahead of me. The 70 hours are a reality I cannot alter.

What I can change, however, is how my mind thinks about and deals with those 70 hours.

When it comes to challenging parts of life, there is no fast-forwarding, but at the same time, there’s no pausing, stopping, or rewinding either. Time never stops moving forward. That means once the clock starts on those 70 hours, every day, hour, and minute that goes by brings me a little bit closer to 3pm Saturday afternoon. This mindset can have a tremendously augment your ability to deal with tough times. No matter how much it sucks, it will never be worse than it is at moment zero, when the pain or stress first starts. Every minute that goes by brings you a little bit closer to being okay. Thus, the end never gets any further away. Time never stops. You’re always moving closer to the goal, to the end, to the solution.

If you envision your challenge as a tunnel you need to walk through, you could say the worst part is the first step because you’re still the entire length of the tunnel away from your goal at the other end. But in fact, you’re also one step closer than you were when you were outside the tunnel. As long as you don’t give up or turn back, as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you’re always getting closer to the end and to being okay again.

You can apply this thinking to virtually any situation:

If you’re sick, you can wallow in self-pity and mucous-filled tissues, or you can take comfort knowing you’re not going to be sick forever. The pain is temporary. There is a fixed point in the future when you’re going to feel better, and every passing hour brings you closer to that moment.

If you have to do twenty push-ups, and you hate push-ups, you can focus on the pain and agony in your triceps, or you can enjoy the fact that every push-up you do brings you closer to number twenty. Twenty is never getting any further away! Plus, the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll get there.

If you’re devastated you haven’t met the love of your life yet, and you think you never will, you can beat yourself up about it, or you can decide you believe he or she is out there, and it’s only a matter of time before you find that person. They aren’t getting any farther away, even if you have no idea when they’ll show up.

In some of these cases, you can’t control when the end/relief/solution arrives, but you can always control how your mind deals with the time until you reach that moment.

If I sound like I’m repeating myself, it’s because you have to treat this step as a mantra. The more you say it, the truer it becomes.

And finally…

3. We are all wonderfully irrelevant.

There’s no doubt about it: this is going to be a trying week for me. Still, in the grand scheme of things, it really isn’t that big a deal. In seven days, the previous six will be just a memory.

What might be a big week in the world of Andrew Marvin is really just an undetectable blip on the timeline of the Universe. My rough week isn’t that important to anybody except me — apologies, dear readers — and as such, it holds a complex duality. It’s a big deal to me because it’s my life, and my life is my whole world. But at the same time, it’s practically nothing in the larger picture of humanity.

The Universe is incomprehensibly big. We are tiny infinitesimal specks on a minuscule little planet in a vast solar system, which is just one small part of thousands of galaxies and stars and space.

You may find this depressing, but it’s actually incredibly liberating. When you keep in mind how insignificant we probably are, things have a way of becoming far less serious.

As George Harrison wrote:

Try to realize it’s all within yourself,
No one else can make you change,
And to see you’re really only very small,
And life flows on within you and without you.

So there you have it: three strategies for beating a bad week. Note that none of them change the bad week itself, only the way you approach it.

The bottom line is you usually have no control over the things that happen to you, but you will always have control over your mind and how it deals with them.

Now, I’m off to bed. The sooner I sleep, the sooner tomorrow comes, and the sooner day one is complete. If I don’t see you, I hope you’ve found this article useful, and I encourage you to adapt my strategies to suit your own thinking.

I’m sure I’ll see you, though.

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